Pandemic Schooling Is Not Homeschooling

Everyone’s right.

Everyone’s wrong.

And none of us, not a single one of us are handling this well. We’re definitely not handling it well all the time.

Before this latest global pandemic, it already felt like the world was coming apart at the seams. Most moms were already overwhelmed - the lucky one treading water in a toxic stew of judgment, capitalism, and patriarchy. The unlucky ones drowning in it.

And then the schools started closing.

My first thought was, “How the hell am I going to homeschool these kids???”

Although I come from a long line of teachers and educators I knew the classroom was not for me. I don’t have the passion or the temperament. And I knew that homeschooling wasn’t a good option for my family. We literally left one state and moved to another because I didn’t trust the school system and couldn’t homeschool.

I say all this to say that I’ve thought about it a lot.

What I’m doing right now, what my husband is doing downstairs with our kids as I type this, what millions of parents around the country are doing at this very moment IS NOT HOMESCHOOLING. And that’s okay. That’s not a valuation on how much learning may be happening in your household - it’s an acknowledgement that words mean things.

Yes, we could be literalists and say that any learning happening in your home equals homeschooling. But literalism doesn’t capture meaning - and it definitely doesn’t explain the vitriol happening on social media right now.

There are some homeschooling moms who are PISSED that the term is being misapplied. And there are moms who are hurt and angered by their anger. We are all tender and raw right now. As per usual, moms have been given very little guidance or support during these transitions. And yes, I could say parents haven’t - but we all know that the vast majority of this burden is falling on mothers.

We didn’t choose this. And now we’re flailing and terrified and overwhelmed - trying to work and care for our kids, and care for our parents, and keep our heads amidst the panic and then you see something on Twitter about how, “you aren’t homeschooling - you’re throwing a packet at your kids” and it feels like a slap in the face.

So are homeschooling moms just some super bitchy, territorial, subset of mother? No more than any of the rest of us. So why are some of them so freaking angry right now? We all get how hard it is, now. Shouldn’t they be welcoming us, supporting us, advising us?

First of all - A LOT OF THEM ARE. They’re making spreadsheets and blog posts and sharing support all over social media.

Second of all - three weeks ago homeschooling was seen as fringe. We didn’t assume these were moms doing what is best for their children and working their asses off to do it well. We assumed they hate public education, or thought themselves above teachers, that their children weren’t socialized, that they were anti-vaxxers or religious extremists.

Maybe YOU didn’t assume that - but as a community, this is what they’ve been dealing with.

At best they were ignored. At worst folks accused them of actively harming their children.

All the while they are researching and creating curriculum, creating educational co-ops, planning field trips, and learning exercises - SO MUCH of homeschooling doesn’t actually happen in the home. And it very, very rarely comes with guidance from a teacher who knows your child like many of us are getting.

So yeah, I can see why they’d be pissed that the folks who mocked and derided them in February are now claiming that “it’s all the same” in March. Should people be more considerate of how we’re all hurting before they post things? Yes, WE should.

Your response that your kid is in your home and doing school so that’s homeschool is just as much a slap in the face as their “packet” comment originally was. Maybe we could all take a breath and ask - “why does that hurt you?”, and then listen to each other’s pain instead of assuming?

As for me and my house - we’re not homeschooling. I’m not creating anything. I’m not directing anything. I’m following along with the guidance provided by our teacher and honestly, we’re not even pushing that that hard. My focus is on my children’s emotional and mental health - not their academics.

The truth is that none of our children are learning exactly the way they were last month.

And that really, truly is okay.

We’re pandemic schooling - we’re doing the best we can each day with the resources we have. We’re taking as much pressure off as we can and allowing ourselves temper tantrums, terrible days, and couch cuddles. We’re getting outside and running off energy. We’re missing friends. We’re trying to hold our little world together as the outside world spins faster and faster.

Sometimes we lash out. Because we’re human and this shit is HARD.

Sometimes you do, too.

Everyone feels more comfortable with an identifiable enemy.

But moms need each other. We need each other’s grace, understanding, support, and care. We need that now more than ever. We can come through this crisis more splintered than ever or we can come through it as a cadre of moms who are wholly united in defense of our children and their future.

We get to choose.