In Defense of Pitchers

You can’t pour from an empty cup!

- Every Self-Care Book Ever

Excuse me but who in the hell pours from a cup? Are there no pitchers where you come from??? Do you not have gallons of milk or juice? Do you not have coffee or tea pots?

I mean, have you ever actually tried to pour from a cup?!? That shit is impossible to do without spilling everywhere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know what they were trying to say. And it’s still bullshit. Because the focus is on you filling yourself up so that you can give more. We drink from cups. We hydrate ourselves and nourish ourselves from cups, we take from cups.

And guess what? YOU ARE ALLOWED TO TAKE. You’re a human being and we need things!

But mom culture is so deeply fucked up that we latched onto this phrase and ran with it. And we actually think that it’s about caring for ourselves! If the point of filling up the cup is to pour it out to other people THEN WHY ARE YOU NOT USING A DAMN PITCHER?

Pitchers are larger than cups. They are created to pour out and so you can easily direct the flow and volume. They are actually a fantastic analogy to the energy it takes to run a family. Anyone can fill a pitcher, anyone can pour from them, and everyone can have their cup filled by them. Hey mama, guess what - that includes you, too!

Being a member of a family (blood, chosen, or hybrid) should involve an exchange of energy. Each members fills up the pitcher and each member pours from the pitcher. The top of the pitcher is wide to make filling it simple. And the mouth is narrow so that we don’t spill as we pour. It’s a fabulous vessel to use to talk to your family about how we can all care for each other.

Some of us will need help in lifting the pitcher, in pouring from it. Some of us will need to be reminded to fill it up, or taught how. And that’s what family is for.

Here’s the thing, mama. Your cup is for your to drink out of. It’s for you to nourish yourself.

I don’t want you to forget to pour into it.

I don’t want you to feel guilty for drinking from it.

I don’t want you to feel guilty going back for seconds or asking someone else to refill the pitcher.

It is not your job to make everyone around you as happy as possible. That is not your calling.

Do you know what your calling actually is? Maybe it’s time to sit down, take a sip, and find out.